Permanently Deleted
/u/comradecmdrpiggy was making a joke about MTF standing for Mobile Task Force, a reference to the SCP Foundation wiki.
I can’t say whether you’re trans or not, but I went through a lot of what you described and I am. Think deeply about whether you’d actually choose to be born afab if you could, and I guess read some stuff by trans people and see if it lines up with your experience. That’s how I figured myself out.
As a vulnerable large man I definitely feel this. I’ve had multiple situations where people just were afraid of me, like running away from my silhouette at night, and it does feel awful.
But, that’s the fault of others who have abused people with their stature and “strength” in the past. Being a kind hearted giant ogre is still possible, even if at first glance people might think otherwise.
As for the rest of what you’re going through, I can’t entirely relate to be honest, but there’s plenty of folks here who have gone through similar things so this is a great place to talk about it.
I’m a lot shorter than you, and certainly less physically intimidating. I’ve had lots of my own issues with gender and gender expectations, but there’s an almost visceral hatred for your experience of masculinity that I find pretty foreign to my own experience. Like, there are things I don’t like about being a guy, but I accept them because I am one at the end of the day. I hesitate to tell you you’re trans, because idk, but I feel like there’s definitely something way off between how you present to the world and who you are.
