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I’m AMAB and coming to terms with being trans and felt a lot of the same things to an eerie degree, in particular being over 6’ tall and used to feeling imposing. I can sympathize on the relationship issues too, but regardless a big help came from having a supportive partner who is also gender nonconforming. We both had our issues to work through, and it wasn’t easy but we ended up in a better place by helping eachother.
I don’t see myself as a person anymore. Every time I look in the mirror, I don’t see me, when I imagine other people interacting with me it’s like imagining them interacting with a stranger.
-This sounds a lot like depersonalization. I can relate to this heavily since it felt like I was on autopilot for most of my life and I never felt like I was really me if that makes any sense.
-What you’re describing in the first two paragraphs is unfortunately true for many men these days. The increasingly hyper-individualistic shit that society pushes harms the relationships between people and it affect men much more than women.
-The parts where you’re talking about being jealous of women does is a very common experience trans women or trans femmes go through. It doesn’t mean you’re trans but that could be something worth thinking about. I pretty much felt the same way before discovering I was a trans woman.
-I’m really sorry you experienced emotionally abusive relationships and sexual assault. Nobody deserves any of that and it seriously fucks with how you view people. :meow-hug:
Incels are a hate group. While their loneliness may be real, Incels hate women. Their existence is not about being lonely. If it was, it would be more about them all organizing fun social functions to assuage that. It is about blaming women for their loneliness. They’ve already killed 20 people.
Just to offer a dissenting voice to this question:
Am I trans?
I’d like to tell you: maybe?
But also that a lot of your experience sounds like mine as a young autistic man who didn’t know it yet. Hyper-awareness of how people perceive us is a big spectrum thing—you get fixated on how you think other people perceive you, and you end up acting like a weirdo. It sucks.
I’ve had a few too many beers tonight to answer any questions, but that’s my 2¢.
