This morning, I got the biggest surprise phone call of my life so far. To my sheer shock and surprise, they moved my bottom surgery from next week to this week. I did not expect them to move it up this close to my surgical date. I was not prepped for this, but I’m all for it. LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Coworkers have starting teasing me about my hair because I’ve been growing it out. Say it looks like Gene Wilder’s (it does). But, like, Gene Wilder is awesome?

Another coworker says I look like Timothy shalomet (I don’t), and he sure is pretty. Do they just think I have a magical Wonka aura?

Anyway, I take this as evidence that my hair is reaching outside the bounds of Acceptable Male Gender Expression, so the enforcement is now taking place. That’s good I guess.

One of them asked me if I ever want to be a woman, and I said sometimes.

I mean, some of these people have seen me off work with makeup, earrings, hair styled, and femme clothes, and they still don’t get it lol. The cis really do be oblivious sometimes.

They just think I’m “fashionable” lmao

went away for the state enforced Christian holiday, interacted with a heap of people and felt constantly treated like a guy, I kept feeling like everyone was about to call me the name I stopped using five years ago, I started doing it in my head, and having dreams about it

good reminder to not go anywhere I guess. sorry for sadposting, i’m fine

Wanted to see if I could find some kind of support group for transfems in my city so I could maybe build some kind of social network for myself.

Despite my city frequently being in the top 10 most queer cities of my state, there were only 2 possible monthly meet-ups I could attend as a transfem. One was for only for trans people in their 20s which means I’d be out of the range within the next year, and the other was for all gender diverse individuals 18 or older.

Both of these left me with that dreaded feeling that comes with starting my transition later in life. Ngl I feel kinda alienated by how young these skew and I’m a bit wary. I might go anyway to the 20s group while I still can and I’ll see about the other one. Hopefully at least one of these leads to something positive.

oh my god

i was on a discord call with like 2 queer friends last night. Girl name, she/her pronouns. I had earlier used that one nicer shampoo/conditioner that I’ve been leaving around my shower for god knows how long so this time my hair looked really good? Mid length, “masculine” cut but something about the way my headphones acted as a headband almost made my hair look really nice? My friend even noticed and commented on how she loved my hair

I spent like half an hour just kind of zoning out of the call looking at myself on the screen and for the first time I actually… felt nice. Like, I actually liked what I saw, I was visibly happy with myself. I ended up taking 5 selfies on that call and for the first time in my life I did that because I actually wanted to

still cis tho