What is up with this movie? Just watched it recently and it’s aged incredibly poorly imo
It’s been well established that Tom Hanks is a CIA asset, and we’ve had a handful of threads about how Forrest Gump sucks this year, and it definitely bleeds into Cast Away as well.
- The “end of history” moment right at the beginning of the movie, where FedEx brings “freedom” to post-USSR Russia.
- The whole film is just an ad for FedEx
- I know things need to look good on film, but decades later, a lot of the survival scenes are simply unconvincing. The firemaking setup didn’t look particularly efficient, and the wood didn’t really look worn or charred as though it were starting to smolder, it just kinda happens. Same for the idea of throwing a fishing spear, which may happen, but I’ve never heard of that being successful.
- Hanks going full Boomer-mode with his mental math in a few scenes kinda felt like it had a tone of "yeah they don’t teach this stuff in schools anymore, this is how it’s done 😔 "
- The conclusion was drawn out and boring af, just watching him stand idly at a crossroads for like 15 minutes or something. His interactions with his love interest felt uncompelling.
- Goes for just about any Tom Hanks movie, but it’s like the whitest shit I’ve ever seen. Watching a PMC bossman try and open a coconut and the movie is acting like there’s some sort of supreme ingenuity to it.
Idk I’m probably being over the top, so please pile on or tell me to chill out about it or whatever.
I always wondered why I dislike Tom Hanks and his movies, my initial reasoning was he’s too :lmayo: , but the CIA angle makes more sense
I like the movie so I’ll address a few of the points:
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the Russia thing? Idk the movie came out like a decade after the collapse, I never really got the impression they were dunking on the former USSR. A pretty small part of the movie that just happened to take place there IMO.
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FedEx 100% had to have paid a ton for all the product placement. I think at the time it came out they defended it as “well if you use a fake company then it’s too distracting” but I don’t buy that for a second since the CEO/founder of FedEx makes a goddamn cameo! It’s bad and horrible but ultimately while it makes the movie a lot worse it doesn’t ruin it for me.
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One thing you didn’t criticize it for which to me is the biggest sin of the movie (at least tied with the FedEx thing) is how they spoiled the ending in the trailer! I saw it in the theaters and going in I knew he made it back, which massively reduces the drama.
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All the other points… idk to each their own but to me I just don’t care. Ultimately it’s a pretty great acting job from one of the best actors in Hollywood. I mean, that scene where he loses Wilson for good… he just sells that so well as an actor gets me every time. Yes, Forrest Gump sucks big time (I even wrote a post here dunking on it); but it sucks because it’s a reactionary boomer take on how they think history vindicates them as basically god’s chosen people. The last reason it sucks is the acting, Hanks is legitimately good there too.
Hanks going full Boomer-mode with his mental math in a few scenes kinda felt like it had a tone of "yeah they don’t teach this stuff in schools anymore, this is how it’s done 😔
Reactionaries’ obsession with doing the “right” kind of math and fighting against the “wrong” math is absolutely hilarious.
Math isn’t real. Computers use 64 numbers that have to be represented by letters because they does not exist in conventional math, 6/2(1+2) have two valid answers that are correct depending on the context, and the number zero objectively does not exist in real life which is why a lot of cultures straight up never discovered it - but it allows our monkey brain to expand our comprehension of math in a way previously not possible. Math is just a human tool we invented to make counting harvest easier, 2000 in the future people are going to laugh at our crusty 2nd millennium ass for not using “¤” the same way we talk about how Roman mathematics is finite.
the number zero objectively does not exist in real life
Say you are a wealthy capitalist, having inherited a factory. Now say we seize the means of production from you, how many factories do you have left?
Cant find a funny way to write this but it would none, which is different from zero which is still something as you can still use it, like dividing things with it.
:trump-anguish: I like delivery companies that don’t crash into the ocean!
he fucks a volleyball
