I’m a dude, but I grew up with little sisters and kind of am void of piggish tendencies due to that I think, I realize women aren’t objects at least. Kink is kink and sexuality is sexuality, but I would assume women want to be able to post photos without some nasty ass dude or neckbeard in the comments section commenting about how fat her ass or boobs are or how they would “hit it”. Or walk down the street without some dog trying to hit on her.
I just saw something like this happen on twitter unfortunately and ive seen it life as well from some of friends who I tell to their faces they’re being pigs.
Like others have said, online it isn’t worth getting into much, maybe a :PIGPOOPBALLS: at most.
In person you gotta alpha them. Gotta make them feel like weak, small, lame people. You can’t get mad, you can’t scold, that’s what they want. Laugh in their face at them, sarcastically tell them how cool their thoughts are, smirk and roll your eyes, do this, call them a fucking beta loser with loser thoughts, whatever. Just don’t let them see you sweat.
I’m really tall and big so looming at them works really well. Ngl, it’s intensely satisfying being able to cow someone’s bad behavior by just standing up straight and glaring at them. On the other hand, you also have to re-learn how to walk, carry yourself, and generally exist so you’re not giving off constant threat vibes to women and other vulnerable people, so it’s a mixed bag.
this was me back when i was younger and in boymode. the threat vibes were hard to shake. only my friend group knew they were “good” threat vibes. it was cool though because in high school there was a core of “tough guys” that allowed our friend group to be openly LGBT in a very country school back when it was not near as safe as today.
In person you gotta alpha them. Gotta make them feel like weak, small, lame people. You can’t get mad, you can’t scold, that’s what they want.
Can’t be reiterated enough. The folks saying “bully them” are broadly right, but this is how guys “bully” other guys without leaving the door open for debate.
i overcorrect and never say anything about anyone’s appearance.
If I comment on someone’s appearance I always focus on something artificial, like not an inherent part of the body. “I like your boots” or “Your makeup is on point today”. If it’s something that takes skill or effort on their part then I’ll tend towards that bc then I’m commenting on soemthing they did rather than something they are. I hope it works as well as I think it does.
I feel like every guy absorbs some of thr radiation of if from culture. It is just a negative set of behaviors we have to work to unlearn. I think thinking of it as seperate from liberalism or any other normative pathology probably isn’t helpful. That being said it can be hard for some people to unlearn. The behaviors tend to be self rewarding and rarely punished. I got into a drunken fight with a guy about it at a party once. That kinda guy likes fight so it didn’t really discourage him and it was shit of me to do besides.
A huge eye opener for me was a college project where we recorded conversations and then tallied how much people talked and who interrupted who. The imbalance in how much men talked and how much men interrupted women was shocking to me. And even having spent like fifteen years trying to train myself out of it I still interrupt women more than I’d like. On the other hand, if I notice other guys doing it in conversations I’ll just refuse to acknowledge them at all and maintain my eye contact and attention on the woman they interrupted. It’s usually very rude in the sense that it’s transgressing the norm of switching your attention to the man who interrupted and it seems like that’s enough to jar most people and get them to knock it off, at least temporarily.
Honestly I feel like that project, just recording like 30 minutes of conversation then tallying each person’s speaking time and each interruption, would be a really strong way of showing how transparent sexism can be, especially when you’re benefitting from it.
The behaviors tend to be self rewarding
only in the short term they will leave you miserable and empty.
Much like gaslighting, I feel it’s overused and an easy excuse to be shitty. I think it’s from being mostly also in more or less leftist tonradliv groups irl that mansplaining can just extend to a cis guy explaining any disagreement or correcting any misinformation. I’ve seen enough people gaslight by being told they’re gaslighting and also just people do legit remember things differently all the time and deception doesn’t always fall into play.
Uhh, I deal with it by not being a pig, and not choosing friends who are pigs.
I think this is why my sister requested that I come to NYC with her while she’s staying there short-term for work. Guy’s think I’m intimidating because I’m bulky with a resting bitch face. There’s definitely been catcalls but I usually stare straight into their eyes without blinking and that’s enough to make them turn away.
