How do you feel when a guy is kind of clingy and possesive? I’m the jealous type and I get suspicious and anxious women im dating or want to date don’t message or text me back right away.
I often wonder if I have some type of borderline personality disorder, im so immediately afraid of abandonment. Like immediately I assume the worst if I’m not messaged or texted back right away.
Erroneous and somewhat misogynistic thought often says that women are the ones who are clingy, im here to tell you this is not the case lol. I’m just as clingy and workable moreso than any women I’ve me
I’ve gotten some good advice in other threads I’ve made, but I’ll be more specific here.
I could definitely be projecting but I think this is a result of internet brain. You get used to the dopamine kick from all the constant little notifications and so when you don’t get an immediate response your brain thinks something is wrong.
For me, the solution is to spend less time online/texting and just call people when I want a reply. I also sometimes get overwhelmed texting people back so I try to remind myself that there are plenty of other people who feel the same way.
if I didn’t reply instantly to your 400 texts in a row what makes you think I have free time for something as interruptive and intrusive as a phone call? that better be an emergency, not a habit of boredom/anxienty.
If I don’t know them, avoidant. If I do, scared.
Work to communicate your anxieties, but also to manage them. Don’t try diagnosing yourself, particularly with something as complex as BPD, speak to a professional and see where you go.
Also find hobbies/keep your hands busy, people have lives and so should you/aren’t always immediately available.
And stress less. Anxiety/abandonment/jealousy/possessiveness/control/etc will fester if you let them, don’t feed the beast.
Good luck
thanks for being honest. I’ve had women im dating tell me that I sometimes intimidate them when I get jealous Im a fairly tall dude like I’m like 6’1 so I imagine for a woman who’s more petite than myself that would be scary.
Let me clarify I’ve never ever put hands on woman or screamed at one or anything. Just argued over my jealous suspicions
I pretty much work, get off,ndo some reading and then I’ll start wondering “hmm well she said she was just going out with friends”. I need to check in on her.
Wouldn’t dare diagnose myself just think maybe I should speak to a professional about it, thank you though.
Preciate the thoughtful response.
Appreciate your honesty. I wasn’t saying I was virtuous or anything for not yelling at or hitting someone. Just didn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea that I commit domestic violence on the regular, or at all. Sometimes stuff is lost in translation.
Obviously I recognize all this behavior is largely negative so Im trying to examine it with the help of my friends on hexbear, and then do some ruminating on my own.
Commenting so i can come back later
don’t message or text me back right away
what kind of delay are we talking?
guy who expects me to instantly reply back? probably a serial killer or worse. Sure, there’s a 12% chance that doesn’t apply to you, but I like not dying and will make decisions based on that preference. Actually I don’t mind dying, I just don’t want to be locked up in a cage in a basement.
I dont expect anything instantly . I do get somewhat jealous and suspicious though on occasion. It’s more of an anxiety thing with me and it has ruined many a relationship. I’m somewhat tall and fairly good looking (at least Id like to think I have nice features) so initially getting into relationships is always fairly easy for me. It’s making them last that I have trouble with sometimes. And it’s due to my jealousy issues undoubtedly.
Also, s far as I know I don’t have the desire to strangle anybody or lock somebody up In my basement. Though I did ask you guys how you’d feel , So I guess thanks for the honesty?
