How do you feel when a guy is kind of clingy and possesive? I’m the jealous type and I get suspicious and anxious women im dating or want to date don’t message or text me back right away.
I often wonder if I have some type of borderline personality disorder, im so immediately afraid of abandonment. Like immediately I assume the worst if I’m not messaged or texted back right away.
Erroneous and somewhat misogynistic thought often says that women are the ones who are clingy, im here to tell you this is not the case lol. I’m just as clingy and workable moreso than any women I’ve me
I’ve gotten some good advice in other threads I’ve made, but I’ll be more specific here.
If I don’t know them, avoidant. If I do, scared.
Work to communicate your anxieties, but also to manage them. Don’t try diagnosing yourself, particularly with something as complex as BPD, speak to a professional and see where you go.
Also find hobbies/keep your hands busy, people have lives and so should you/aren’t always immediately available.
And stress less. Anxiety/abandonment/jealousy/possessiveness/control/etc will fester if you let them, don’t feed the beast.
Good luck
thanks for being honest. I’ve had women im dating tell me that I sometimes intimidate them when I get jealous Im a fairly tall dude like I’m like 6’1 so I imagine for a woman who’s more petite than myself that would be scary.
Let me clarify I’ve never ever put hands on woman or screamed at one or anything. Just argued over my jealous suspicions
I pretty much work, get off,ndo some reading and then I’ll start wondering “hmm well she said she was just going out with friends”. I need to check in on her.
Wouldn’t dare diagnose myself just think maybe I should speak to a professional about it, thank you though.
Preciate the thoughtful response.
Appreciate your honesty. I wasn’t saying I was virtuous or anything for not yelling at or hitting someone. Just didn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea that I commit domestic violence on the regular, or at all. Sometimes stuff is lost in translation.
Obviously I recognize all this behavior is largely negative so Im trying to examine it with the help of my friends on hexbear, and then do some ruminating on my own.
I could definitely be projecting but I think this is a result of internet brain. You get used to the dopamine kick from all the constant little notifications and so when you don’t get an immediate response your brain thinks something is wrong.
For me, the solution is to spend less time online/texting and just call people when I want a reply. I also sometimes get overwhelmed texting people back so I try to remind myself that there are plenty of other people who feel the same way.
if I didn’t reply instantly to your 400 texts in a row what makes you think I have free time for something as interruptive and intrusive as a phone call? that better be an emergency, not a habit of boredom/anxienty.
I would resent being expected to be constantly available and quickly responding no matter what I’m doing. If I’m busy, I’m not looking at my phone. There’s a good chance I won’t even see the message till hours later. Being in the position of having to choose between 1) constantly checking my phone so my SO won’t get pissed if I don’t immediately respond or 2) ignoring my phone as usual and expecting to have a fight over suspicion/jealousy later would frankly end the relationship for me. You’re turning yourself into a chore and lack of trust is a dealbreaker.
It’s good that you’re self-aware enough to know that you have an issue. I really encourage you to work on it with a therapist if that’s something you can manage financially. Remember that your SO isn’t a possession, she’s a person with just as many interests and distractions as you. She isn’t at your beck and call whenever you choose, she isn’t an NPC that stands still with no thoughts until the player character initiates a conversation.
I don’t date men, but I also think this issue is gender agnostic tbh. Having things going on in your life is important. If you’re genuinely in the middle of something, how would you feel if your partner was upset that you didn’t stop what you were doing to respond? It’s really important for your partner not to be your entire world. There may be other things going on as well, but that’s definitely a big part of it
Don’t be clingy and possesive, simple as
“Just be confident bro!” “Don’t worry just be yourself bro!”
It’s frustrating, because when someone tries to point out that men need dating advice, you’re hit with “oh that’s not a thing just be normal.” Seeing this in a leftist space (of all places) is super discouraging.
“Hey mentally ill person, have you considered just not being mentally ill?”
If you don’t have anything to contribute with just shut the fuck up please.
