how tf do i call out of work. i never do this shit and i’m always terrified of doing it. i hate my job and would much rather do the thing with my friends tomorrow but i’m a terrible liar and have a deep seated need to be seen as doing good, even by my fucking b*ss. does anyone have any tips for how to do it?
There are TWO and only TWO options.
One is not explaining. Just say “I’m feeling sick and won’t be making it in” Most will not pry.
If they’re the type of people to pry, just say “I can’t make it in, I think I caught a stomach bug”
That’s it. There is no “mental health day”, you don’t have that chronic disease, you don’t have a bad headache, you aren’t staying home for your own comfort. You, my friend, are shidding out your doo doo ass. That is the only thing you will EVER imply to your work. Vomiting and farding and shidding. No one will ask. No one will try to get you to come in.
Some good advice here but try not to add too many details. The more you add to your story the less believable it is. “I won’t be in today I have spent the last 3 hours on the toilet” is one I use a lot
“can’t come into work, too horny”
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I too really struggle with doing it, but calling in is borderline praxis, it is a good thing to do. Force them employers to learn that people have needs and will not always be at work no matter what.
Keep it short and sweet, don’t offer details, and if pushed, claim poop disease, or severe dizziness to the point you can’t stand up. No acting required, just keep it boring and vague, you don’t know what the cause is.
Honestly, I freak out having to do such calls, it sucks. But it need only be like 20 seconds, done and dusted, then the world is yours to enjoy for a day. “I won’t be in today, can’t stand up too dizzy, hopefully be there tomorrow”, bam.
