how tf do i call out of work. i never do this shit and i’m always terrified of doing it. i hate my job and would much rather do the thing with my friends tomorrow but i’m a terrible liar and have a deep seated need to be seen as doing good, even by my fucking b*ss. does anyone have any tips for how to do it?
doodoo ass is an evergreen excuse
I’m also shit at lying, so I usually just try to resist my compulsion to give justifications and more info than is necessary. I just say I need to take a day off. But depending on your boss and job and how last minute it is that might not always work. If you need to be sick, maybe practice everything you’re going to say to yourself or with someone else ahead of time. THAT SAID LYING IS A SURVIVAL SKILL! Us honest babes need to learn how…
You are doing good, you’re talking care of a very important person, yourself! Your boss doesn’t have that interest in mind, so you’re going over his head to your top boss - again, yourself.
Don’t forget, no pics on social media.
And go with the doodoo ass excuse, bonus points for calling while dropping the kids off at the pool. Eat a lot of the day before so you can get some sound effects going.
I just say I need to take a day off for personal reasons and will be back in tomorrow
There are TWO and only TWO options.
One is not explaining. Just say “I’m feeling sick and won’t be making it in” Most will not pry.
If they’re the type of people to pry, just say “I can’t make it in, I think I caught a stomach bug”
That’s it. There is no “mental health day”, you don’t have that chronic disease, you don’t have a bad headache, you aren’t staying home for your own comfort. You, my friend, are shidding out your doo doo ass. That is the only thing you will EVER imply to your work. Vomiting and farding and shidding. No one will ask. No one will try to get you to come in.
