inb4 “if it’s legal it’s not a crime”

15 points
*

Crime means breaking the law, correct?

No location is named, so I will assume this refers the laws of physics and reality.

I would:

  • expand time so that it lasts a near infinite duration, contained entirely within this day of no crime
  • transmute a bunch of the rocks in my apartment into gold
  • alter my DNA to include working wings like a bat, a prehensile tail like a monkey, gills like a salamander, enviromental adaptability like a chameleon that’s selective so I can hide these enhancements from others
  • one more enhancement related to a very specific part of the anatomy of a horse or blue whale, or whatever it is people want these days
  • remove all genetic defects of my body, like susceptability to cancer and addictions, grant it full immunity to diseases, put it into a perfect equilibrium with near instantaneous regeneration and longevity and thus allowing my life to last as long as I desire
  • create a star from nothing and collapse it in a way that stores all of its energy into a pocket sized battery with perfect functionality and adaptability that is nearly indestructable
  • hold hands with two chicks at the same time

It’s fun to dream of the impossible.

permalink
report
reply
9 points
*

I know of an exploit on a horribly designed website for a national car park company that would allow me to write a script that would effectively give me and anyone else i know free parking for ever for all car parks administered by this company in the country (which is a lot of car parks).

So i’d do that

permalink
report
reply
5 points

I love that you have a very specific and arguably moral crime in mind, and it inspired this post.

permalink
report
parent
reply
3 points
*

tbh, i was inspired by a post with the same title while lurking on reddit. i have a rule about not posting there though so i bought the conversation here

permalink
report
parent
reply
9 points

Illegal Legal immigration.

permalink
report
reply
7 points

I didn’t even think of that. i could apply for US and EU passports

permalink
report
parent
reply
4 points

Why’d you go for a US passport considering their globally reaching tax laws?

permalink
report
parent
reply
2 points

I would move to Scandinavia, maybe Denmark or Netherlands.

permalink
report
parent
reply
8 points

The law does not currently prevent me from doing anything I want to do.

permalink
report
reply
4 points
*

Man, I gotta brew something up in case a Crime Day comes up.

I’d like to do some proper money laundering but I’d need dirty money first. Idk, if skill wasn’t an issue, I’d hack the bank and erase my debt? No, make the bank owe ME.

permalink
report
reply

Asklemmy

!asklemmy@lemmy.ml

Create post

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it’s welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Icon by @Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de

Community stats

  • 35

    Monthly active users

  • 2.3K

    Posts

  • 29K

    Comments