it’s relatively easy for me to meet people online, but there’s only so much i can get out of virtual friendships anymore.
How hours a week would you say that you spend in spaces were there’s opportunity to meet people?
My experience - I started meeting people when I spent 1-2 hours every week at org meetings and boardgame meetups.
RL relationships have been commodified such that, for most people, if you’re not getting something out of the interaction the cost benefit analysis isn’t worth it. Internet relationships are easier to form because there’s no immediacy of the face to face. If I suddenly disappear, no one here will mourn my loss. If I decide to stop responding to messages there’s already etiquette in place that you’re not supposed to really do anything in those situations. It’s very low barrier-to-entry and low effort.
IRL you have to care about how you manage your attention, and for good relationships to form you should often be generous and unconcerned with transactions. But for most people that’s too much work. In our society investments essentially necessitate returns, and returns in relationships are not guaranteed and never have been in human history.
As for how to meet people irl? I dunno. My go-to strategy has been to thirst trap people into being friends. :volcel-judge:
yeah, I’d notice if you were gone, cause I’d be like “that fucker with the same name as me is gone. I wonder where they went?” :cri:
Assuming you’re in the US there aren’t any recreational places to go to in most places. If there are, most people don’t have the time nor the money since it’ll probably cost money, be it a fee or a 20 minute car ride. I think that Bowling Alone book called them third spaces with the other two being work and home. Last month I actually met someone on one of my walks but it’s not feasible to meet them again because everyone just goes straight to their car after leaving home to go to work for most of the day.
If you’re in any western/capitalist country I’m guessing most of that still applies. When I read a lot during one my depressive phases one of the best ways to make friends is through repeated, spontaneous encounters which is just not possible to do in my experience.
Last month I actually met someone on one of my walks but it’s not feasible to meet them again because everyone just goes straight to their car after leaving home to go to work for most of the day.
This is why I’m so skeptic of that other guy’s comments about putting yourself out there, there are limited contexts were spontaneous meetings are encouraged, outside of those, people think that you want something from them. I’ve actually talked to random people on the street a couple of times, even striked some conversations, but people aren’t just going to open up to you just cause there was some interesting sight or sound and you briefly bonded over it. I also probably suck at it, I dunno. I just grew a bit sad just thinking about it, actually.
I haven’t made an IRL friend in years, but I’ve also been in standby mode thanks to life stuff. Hoping that will change soon. Anyway yeah I also have no idea where I’d make a friend (my online friends help)
