it’s relatively easy for me to meet people online, but there’s only so much i can get out of virtual friendships anymore.
RL relationships have been commodified such that, for most people, if you’re not getting something out of the interaction the cost benefit analysis isn’t worth it. Internet relationships are easier to form because there’s no immediacy of the face to face. If I suddenly disappear, no one here will mourn my loss. If I decide to stop responding to messages there’s already etiquette in place that you’re not supposed to really do anything in those situations. It’s very low barrier-to-entry and low effort.
IRL you have to care about how you manage your attention, and for good relationships to form you should often be generous and unconcerned with transactions. But for most people that’s too much work. In our society investments essentially necessitate returns, and returns in relationships are not guaranteed and never have been in human history.
As for how to meet people irl? I dunno. My go-to strategy has been to thirst trap people into being friends. :volcel-judge:
yeah, I’d notice if you were gone, cause I’d be like “that fucker with the same name as me is gone. I wonder where they went?” :cri:
Capitalism!
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Proletarianization means you spend most of your time away from home doing a job with little relation to anyone else.
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Capitalist “urban planning” frequently splits people up based on economic zoning rather than a more village-like approach where being outside and in community is even plausible let alone incentivized.
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“Third places”, i.e. not work or home, tend to be service businesses like restaurants or coffee shops designed to sell you something and get you out of there - deliberately too small to have a meeting of 20 people. As land value has increased, community centers become very expensive to build and maintain and require huge parking lots due to the last point. That is, even if a community wanted a viable place to hang out and organize, they wouldn’t be able to afford it.
How hours a week would you say that you spend in spaces were there’s opportunity to meet people?
My experience - I started meeting people when I spent 1-2 hours every week at org meetings and boardgame meetups.
people suck everything costs money and i’m unfriendly :shrug-outta-hecks:
actual strat: get one friend and parasite off their friends and parasite off the friends friends
community didn’t create enough money, so people feel unconnected to the people and place around them. These means it’s harder to walk up to strangers and just start talking to them. Most hobby spaces have moved online(where they can put adds on them and micro-target every one of them). Plus the expense of literally any activity has skyrocketed. Unless the park is in walking distance you’re going through gas getting there and back, and that can run into money for some people. Plus everyone is overworked and exhausted, so if you aren’t already a guaranteed good time(by this I mean you are already known and liked by the other person) it is not worth the emotional energy to get to know you and see if you’re friend material or not.
Yep ever since I moved for my job I have completly given up on IRL social contacts. Like I have none at all, but those few hours that I’m not exhausted on a weekend I’m not going to spend them in a bar hoping to strike a conversation. I’m in one of the most conservative regions in the country so organizing is almost impossible and I hate sports with a passion.
The same with dating. The social expectation around here is still that the first 20 steps must be initiated by the man. Running into a lot of rejection while putting all that effort in is at least for me much more unhealthy than just staying alone. Not that I would blame women like an incel, it just always puts me into a bad place. :what-the-hell:
it’s actual effort to go out “cold calling” like that. People talk about it like it’s supposed to be fun but it’s worse than work sometimes. I really do feel much more comfortable just staying alone, it can actually feel peaceful occasionally which is rare these days I feel.
Dating is such a cringe annoying affair tbh. I really want more feminism so that dating isn’t just the weird zone where patriarchal rules still apply. And dating apps are just so weird. I don’t have time or money to go on a bunch of dates or try to screen out people who are just there for a hook-up.
