Why no, I’ve never done literally any research on this topic, but I’m pretty sure I’ve cracked this mystery.

Bonus lib wank

55 points
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10 points

:alex-aware:

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37 points

lol where are they even getting this from

if we’re just thinking about different factions and their interests, there were people who considered JFK too “soft” on communism and anti-imperialism. He was still very anti-communist but he generally respected the idea sovereignty for non-aligned countries slightly more than the other warhawks, and they resented him for it.

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32 points
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The CIA and State Department had to coup Sukarno [I meant Patrice Lumumba] days before JFK got into office because they correctly assumed he would’ve tried to stop it. He was a Cold Warrior dedicated to the American project, he just wasn’t a psychotic Nazi like the people who shortly came to run everything.

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24 points

yeah trying to remember where I learned this from. I think Jakarta Method? But in any case pretty sure it’s well-documented

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Yep Jakarta Method

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13 points

They didn’t successfully coup Sukarno until a couple years after JFK died though. Are you thinking of Patrice Lumumba?

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10 points

Definitely. I’ve been sleeping very poorly so my memory isn’t the best.

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10 points
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I don’t doubt the makeup of the factions involved in the happenings here, but the timing is a bit off. There was definitely CIA action against Sukarno in the last few years of the Eisenhower administration, but he’d largely defeated the rebels in '58, and the biggest assassination attempt against him occurred in March 1960. Sukarno lasted until well into the Johnson administration.

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11 points

Thanks! I think we were thinking of Lumumba in Congo and mixed up the timeline a bit.

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8 points

:lumumba-point:

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9 points
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He was still very anti-communist

Pretty much by definition, when you’re the President. But by shaking up the former Eisenhower administration, he pulled the rug out from under the old Cold War guard on a scale we wouldn’t see again until the Trump Admin.

Functionally, he was killed for the crime of undermining Cold War leadership in the midst of hostilities.

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if i’ve learned one thing from blowback, it’s that the cia and military have always been run by literal demons, allen dulles might have been the most demonic of them all.

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yeah like, why would the CIA, who undoubtedly surveilled the president constantly somehow think he was a Russian spy? you’re ascribing to them a level of competence high enough to carry out an assassination plot, but low enough to reach such an idiotic conclusion.

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35 points
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I’ve heard a theory that a secret service agent riding in the car behind him was hungover and accidentally pulled the trigger of his gun and hit Kennedy as the convoy went over a bump in the road which would be hilarious but seems incredibly unlikely.

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12 points

Yes, this is what I believe

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1 point

The secret service are probably barred from drinking. But they probably do anyway.

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That one’s kind of the :grill: -pilled JFK conspiracy because it’s kinda nonpartisan, but at the same time it assumes that they just picked Lee Harvey Oswald at random as a patsy hours to minutes afterward.

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This theory is usually combined with the official story as well. It’s not that the secret service just did it while going over a bump but he grabbed his gun in response to the original shot from Oswald and then also shot JFK.

This explains the magic bullet element of the case to a certain extent.

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6 points
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Definitely possible that the “magic bullet” was a bodyguard with an itchy trigger finger.

But I don’t think that explains the bullet that actually hit Kennedy

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12 points

I’m pretty sure some podcast made it popular.

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13 points
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15 points

Stuffing the bottom of the :pit: with Casper mattresses (please pretend it’s five years ago for the sake of this joke).

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It was popularized by The Last Podcast on The Left. I know a few people who were convinced by it.

I tried to give a listen but they’re just too annoying. It’s also just an annoying theory / argument, you’re trying to tell me that it’s more likely to have been a freak accident than intentional?

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It was first advanced in the book Mortal Error. To my mind it accepts the least illuminating evidence (forensic analysis and bullet trajectories) and discards the most illuminating evidence (the associations and biographies of the people surrounding the assassination, and the production of the Warren Report itself).

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25 points

official story

most plausible

stupid turnip expects to be taken seriously

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Once again please do not slander turnips, they are tasty and have purpose.

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yeah like, if you believe that, why would you even countenance the SS agent theory? the entire point of it is that the official story doesn’t explain all the shots adequately, but if you don’t believe that, then what about it is plausible to you?

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2 points

Lmao extremely good point.

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24 points

If you believe the official story on JFK, I have to ask how you summon the intelligence to breathe every few seconds.

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I had never really given it much thought, but after listening to the Blowback episode where they cover it, there really is no way the official story could be true

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18 points

I don’t remember that episode tbh, I assume they go in depth on Castro’s thoughts.

Just watching the drama JFK by Oliver Stone was enough for me. JFK Revisited and other documentaries go much deeper, but just what’s laid out in that movie makes it extremely obvious that the official story is hilariously false.

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19 points
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I think it was the last episode or two of season two. I think it was just part of the episode, but they go through the timeline of events, from Oswald’s backstory to the end of the investigations. Including stuff like how the man that handled all evidence, etc. from the CIA during the investigation later turned out to have been directly involved in the events. The story only works if you look at it in a vacuum and ignore everything around it lol. I’ll have to watch that though. I’ve definitely been more interested in the topic since learning a little about it

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15 points

Well you see, the thing about the magic bullet is that it was magic. Duh! :very-intelligent:

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