In Relationships.
I’ve been told that all people in an Adultery are equally unethical & blameful. I don’t agree with this; i believe the upholding of exclusivity is incumbent on people in relationships, not those without.
in other words, if someone with a marriage ring is trying to bang you, its not your responsibility to chastise them & make sure they respect their partner.
i’m curious what other people think & any radical theory on the constitution of relationships, this stuff is very interesting to me
If you know the other person is in a committed relationship, there are pragmatic reasons to not fuck. You probably aren’t the first person they’ve cheated with, so condom up/take extra precautions. Also, do you really want in on that drama? I mean, how good a lay can it be if it comes with weepy exes, stalkers, possible deranged and jilted lovers…
Ethically, you should act such that what you’re doing is a universal rule - “the golden rule” - so if you’re not poly or want a committed relationship in the future, then you probably shouldn’t facilitate cheating when you’re single. If you are poly, probably not the best to be involved with someone who is in a committed monogamous relationship. Better to wait for them to open the relationship, start doing hotwife, or break up/seperate - although that’s more pragmatic than ethical in my book and I’d never want to be someone’s first outside lay in a brand new cuckolding/cuckquean arrangement.
I don’t wanna say that cheating isn’t it’s own kind of fun or that this kind of rule-breaking isn’t hot in its own way, but I just don’t think it’s worth the fuss, drama, and it’s probably unethical. You can roleplay that stuff in a much healthier way and still get off.
It’s not ethical to knowingly facilitate someone doing something unethical.
Don’t fucking cheat, it kills people’s souls. It’s one of the cruelest things to do to someone. If you cheat I have a significantly lower opinion of you.
I know if I got cheated on it would scar me for the rest of my life.
i have a hard time equating the person who made the commitment not to cheat, and the person who’s used for the purpose. they didn’t make any commitments, right?
It isn’t about upholding someone else’s monogamy, it’s about not helping that person hurt/lie to somebody else.
this is a good way to construct it. i’ve been viewing this through a kind of historical lense where marriage was very much about ownership and ‘adultery’ was society enforcing someone’s ‘rights’—which i find gross. this takes the guilt outside the relationship dynamic
“Is X unethical?”
“I would cry like a baby if it happens to me so yes”
Seems like a solid argument, but if X=‘killing nazis’ then you would be advocating for not killing nazis and that’s bad optics on you, I’m really dissapointed, chapo-to-fascist pipeline confirmed 100% no clickbait
it kills people’s souls. It’s one of the cruelest things to do to someone
Cheating is bad, but takes like these are way over the top.
The harm done by cheating depends on the stakes of the relationship, the vulnerability of the person cheated on, and what happens afterwards. Cheating can be devastating, but there are plenty of situations where cheating happens and people move on pretty quickly. Hell, tons of people get back together with the person who cheated on them.
Plenty of things are bad but not The Worst Thing In The World.
I think takes like that are immature, but I get it. Cheating was devastating to my family, so I felt really strongly about it for a long time.
It’s no fun but a partner is not a posession and people are just shitty sometimes, and sex isn’t magic. Its just a thing people do sometimes that sucks, but I don’t think it rises to the level of the sort of vile abuse that otherwise goes on in some relationships
It’s no fun but a partner is not a posession and people are just shitty sometimes, and sex isn’t magic.
Pretty much – the core wrong is lying, and it’s hard to see how the heightened distain some people have for cheating isn’t rooted in some type of possessory concept of relationships. I see a lot of uncomfortable parallels between how some folks talk about cheating and how libertarians talk about trespassing.
That actually raises a very interesting question, if it would be scarring, which I agree it would definitely cause lasting trust issues, would cheating then be considerable as a kind of abuse?
If the shoe fits, and it definitely does because it can be traumatic…
That said, others in this thread have suggested that the real trust violation is the deception, which strikes me as the purer ‘abuse’. If my wife (borat) or husband got drunk and cheated on me, then the next day told me and apologized, that would still hurt and suck, but I would definitely feel it wasn’t abusive compared to them carrying on a romantic relationship, sexual or not, for months and months behind my back. But both are an abuse of trust, it’s just I think ‘abuse’ is a very intentional thing, where you are doing it to hurt the abused or to get one over on them. But definitely cheating can constitute abuse, I’m just not sure it 100% always does.
Golden Rule: don’t do unto others what you don’t want them to do unto you.
I don’t agree with this; i believe the upholding of exclusivity is incumbent on people in relationships, not those without.
So you think it’s fine to cheat with anyone anytime as long as you’re not the one in a relationship? You’re a piece of shit.
Sidenote: My guess is that you really want to cheat and are trying to justify this. I’m here to tell you: There is no justification, you suck if you do this, and should stop doing it immediately. If you’ve never done this before and are thinking of doing it, DON’T.
i’m trying to explore my view of what relationships mean and stuff, nobody in a committed relationship is in the same zipcode as banging me
and i’m thinking a relationship is a thing that should only involve the participants. it feels, to my view, that the hard line of ‘both are cheaters and equally bad’ is transferring culpability & responsibility outside of the breached relationship.
but this thread is gettin lots of interesting responses i might change my mind
Why is that shitty? As someone outside a relationship, it doesn’t matter. If not me, it’ll be the next guy anyway. You’re just ripping the band-aid off. Obviously it’s different if you’re cheating with a friend’s partner, but if it’s not your friend then who cares. You’re allowed to shoot your shot and it’s up to them to uphold their relationship. You’re probably ending a shit relationship anyway, cos if someone’s willing to cheat it’s heading to the dump anyway.
I think there’s an element of commitment to your friend that would make it weird and ruin your relationship with them if you cheated. In that case, better to warn them than to get your thrill.
If you don’t know them, then have sex with the hot MILF or whoever. Makes for a good story to tell. If you told a complete stranger that their wife was tryna cheat with you, they might just say you’re lying and ask you to get off their lawn. Feel like it would just allow the cheating to go on for longer.
Here’s a different example. In contact sports, when you’re doing practice drills with your own team, you don’t intend to break their ribs. Come match day, it’s war with the opposition. You have no dedication to them. They’re just another face.
