In Relationships.
I’ve been told that all people in an Adultery are equally unethical & blameful. I don’t agree with this; i believe the upholding of exclusivity is incumbent on people in relationships, not those without.
in other words, if someone with a marriage ring is trying to bang you, its not your responsibility to chastise them & make sure they respect their partner.
i’m curious what other people think & any radical theory on the constitution of relationships, this stuff is very interesting to me
Don’t fucking cheat, it kills people’s souls. It’s one of the cruelest things to do to someone. If you cheat I have a significantly lower opinion of you.
I know if I got cheated on it would scar me for the rest of my life.
it kills people’s souls. It’s one of the cruelest things to do to someone
Cheating is bad, but takes like these are way over the top.
The harm done by cheating depends on the stakes of the relationship, the vulnerability of the person cheated on, and what happens afterwards. Cheating can be devastating, but there are plenty of situations where cheating happens and people move on pretty quickly. Hell, tons of people get back together with the person who cheated on them.
Plenty of things are bad but not The Worst Thing In The World.
I think takes like that are immature, but I get it. Cheating was devastating to my family, so I felt really strongly about it for a long time.
It’s no fun but a partner is not a posession and people are just shitty sometimes, and sex isn’t magic. Its just a thing people do sometimes that sucks, but I don’t think it rises to the level of the sort of vile abuse that otherwise goes on in some relationships
It’s no fun but a partner is not a posession and people are just shitty sometimes, and sex isn’t magic.
Pretty much – the core wrong is lying, and it’s hard to see how the heightened distain some people have for cheating isn’t rooted in some type of possessory concept of relationships. I see a lot of uncomfortable parallels between how some folks talk about cheating and how libertarians talk about trespassing.
“Is X unethical?”
“I would cry like a baby if it happens to me so yes”
Seems like a solid argument, but if X=‘killing nazis’ then you would be advocating for not killing nazis and that’s bad optics on you, I’m really dissapointed, chapo-to-fascist pipeline confirmed 100% no clickbait
i have a hard time equating the person who made the commitment not to cheat, and the person who’s used for the purpose. they didn’t make any commitments, right?
It isn’t about upholding someone else’s monogamy, it’s about not helping that person hurt/lie to somebody else.
this is a good way to construct it. i’ve been viewing this through a kind of historical lense where marriage was very much about ownership and ‘adultery’ was society enforcing someone’s ‘rights’—which i find gross. this takes the guilt outside the relationship dynamic
That actually raises a very interesting question, if it would be scarring, which I agree it would definitely cause lasting trust issues, would cheating then be considerable as a kind of abuse?
If the shoe fits, and it definitely does because it can be traumatic…
That said, others in this thread have suggested that the real trust violation is the deception, which strikes me as the purer ‘abuse’. If my wife (borat) or husband got drunk and cheated on me, then the next day told me and apologized, that would still hurt and suck, but I would definitely feel it wasn’t abusive compared to them carrying on a romantic relationship, sexual or not, for months and months behind my back. But both are an abuse of trust, it’s just I think ‘abuse’ is a very intentional thing, where you are doing it to hurt the abused or to get one over on them. But definitely cheating can constitute abuse, I’m just not sure it 100% always does.
Cheating is unethical because it utterly destroys a third person and any children involved, in some cases several family members as well, leading to knock on effects for life.
This harm is the responsibility of both people that do the cheating.
You harmed multiple people by knowingly engaging in it.
It would happen anyway. If not me, then it’ll be with the next person. Rip the band-aid off. If someone’s willing to cheat just because you hit on them then clearly the relationship wasnt built to last.
“If I don’t steal your house, someone else will” - a viral video from like a month ago. Not participating in the cheating is basic human decency and basic not being a piece of shit. It’s for your own integrity as much as it is for this common empathy and sympathy for someone else’s plight
“If I don’t become a landlord someone else will therefore I should just do it anyway” is a really poor justification. You still hurt people by what you are doing. It is still unethical and bad and you can instead just not do it.
Someone else being an asshole doesn’t mean that you have justification to be an asshole too.
Certainly true is some cases, but not all. I mean it’s definitely not a good sign for a relationship, but I bet there are people who cheat due to a bizarre circumstance, and realize it was a terrible mistake and wish to stay in a relationship. Probably also lots of people cheat with exes, rather than just being randomly hit on
Yeah, of course those people exist, but they can learn from their actions and grovel for forgiveness. It’s their fault. Again, if all it takes is a bizarre scenario then there was something lacking in the relationship. I don’t think cheating often comes from a total moral failing, it’s because there’s something lacking in the relationship. Doesn’t mean the victim of cheating is to blame though.
I’ve been told that all people in an Adultery are equally unethical & blameful
Not equally blameful, but both blameful.
The person in the relationship has at least a tacit personal commitment to treat their partner respectfully, value them and not lie or cheat on them. They are most responsible.
But as the third, you are participating in treating another human like trash. You are blameworthy. This blame increases to the degree that you are acquainted with the person being cheated on. Never met>acquaintance/coworker>friend>good friend.
But yeah, if you participate in treating somebody like shit you have to own that. None of this “but if I wasn’t doing it somebody else would” bourgeois bullshit. That’s the excuse for basically every evil in human history. You have a responsibility to act morally and treat other humans with respect. You choose to do so or not, but you don’t get to pretend it’s not your responsibility.
Edit: just to clarify I’m not on some high horse - I have cheated on people before, I just own my responsibility in that choice.
I don’t agree with this; i believe the upholding of exclusivity is incumbent on people in relationships, not those without.
So you think it’s fine to cheat with anyone anytime as long as you’re not the one in a relationship? You’re a piece of shit.
Sidenote: My guess is that you really want to cheat and are trying to justify this. I’m here to tell you: There is no justification, you suck if you do this, and should stop doing it immediately. If you’ve never done this before and are thinking of doing it, DON’T.
i’m trying to explore my view of what relationships mean and stuff, nobody in a committed relationship is in the same zipcode as banging me
and i’m thinking a relationship is a thing that should only involve the participants. it feels, to my view, that the hard line of ‘both are cheaters and equally bad’ is transferring culpability & responsibility outside of the breached relationship.
but this thread is gettin lots of interesting responses i might change my mind
Why is that shitty? As someone outside a relationship, it doesn’t matter. If not me, it’ll be the next guy anyway. You’re just ripping the band-aid off. Obviously it’s different if you’re cheating with a friend’s partner, but if it’s not your friend then who cares. You’re allowed to shoot your shot and it’s up to them to uphold their relationship. You’re probably ending a shit relationship anyway, cos if someone’s willing to cheat it’s heading to the dump anyway.
I think there’s an element of commitment to your friend that would make it weird and ruin your relationship with them if you cheated. In that case, better to warn them than to get your thrill.
If you don’t know them, then have sex with the hot MILF or whoever. Makes for a good story to tell. If you told a complete stranger that their wife was tryna cheat with you, they might just say you’re lying and ask you to get off their lawn. Feel like it would just allow the cheating to go on for longer.
Here’s a different example. In contact sports, when you’re doing practice drills with your own team, you don’t intend to break their ribs. Come match day, it’s war with the opposition. You have no dedication to them. They’re just another face.
